Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Embracing gratitude

Gratitude has never been my strong point. I tend to focus so hard on the future that when I achieve something, I forget to really savor the success. I blow right past like a ski racer, dodging obstacles and rarely extending more than a quick wave and a thank you to people who have assisted me along the way. I'm even worse with the Universe when opportunities arise or things just happen to fall into place for me. I really have to consciously stop myself and force myself to take a breath and feel gratitude.

So, on that note, I want to thank all my friends and fans who have been so supportive during this difficult time. Your emails and calls have been SO appreciated. I especially want to thank all the folks who came to the show last Saturday at Swallow Hill. It really meant a lot to me to have your support and I was so happy you were able to share what was a truly magical night for me.

I owe Vicky and Andy a huge "thank you" for so many reasons. They've been so kind and supportive with regard to my vocal problem and other personal issues. They are wonderful friends and I'm blessed to have them in my life. They are also damn fine songwriters and it was an honor to share the stage with them. Saturday night was one of the most magical performances of my life. I was more present and able to pour so much more energy into the songs because I was so thankful that I actually had a voice to sing with. Vicky brought tears to my eyes twice with her new song "Tears In A Bottle" and her performance of Andy's song "Will You Tell Her." Andy had me beaming with his interpretation of my song "Here." It was the first time I've ever heard anyone perform one of my songs and I'll never forget it.

I also want to thank Dr. King and his staff for ridding me of the vocal polyp and for showing a high level of kindness and understanding. I chose their office because they were in my insurance network (when I thought I still had insurance) and because of their location. I hate choosing healthcare providers based on insurance networks alone with no recommendations from actual humans who have used them, but I was very lucky this time.

When I started noticing my vocal trouble I felt like things were coming to a grinding halt for me. Tom was gone for two months, winter set in with a chilly vengeance, and I spent most of my time alone. When I learned of the polyp everything came to a stop and I felt stuck in so many ways. I'm a planner and it was so hard to have to wait, not knowing what I'd be able to do in the future or when. I had to settle into living each day at a time which is wise, but not in my nature. It's been a challenge to stay in the moment, but I think I've achieved a new level of ability to live in the present and to accept that there are times when you just have to let things take their course. Trust that everything will happen as it should and enjoy what and who you have in your life right now.

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